Clare Bowditch
Interview by Madeleine Dore
&
Photography Anna Robinson
Be it a New Year, or a new week, many of us make plenty of promises to ourselves. They could be the habits that we’re going to form or the resolutions that we’re going to keep, the things that we’re going to finally start tomorrow, or the things that we are going to give up.
Sometimes these promises can make us feel uneasy or they can come with a real pressure, and with that pressure we might even internalise failure. We might feel like we can never change, we can never stick to a new habit.
What’s wrong with us? Why can’t we keep our resolutions? Perhaps it’s the timeline that we put on that promise that is really at fault rather than our own ability to keep them.
My debut guest has a really refreshing approach to promises. The musician, radio presenter, entrepreneur, and now author. Clare Bowditch, made a promise to herself more than 20 years ago – to write a book about what helped her get through one of darkest times in her life. A time before all the success, a time before she knew her trajectory, a time before she had hope.
She made that promise with one very important caveat I think we can learn from: she would allow herself to wait a really, really, really long time before writing that book. And she kept it.
Twenty years later, she now has the book Your Own Kind of Girl. It’s a chart-topping, best-selling book and it’s a wonderful, rich, insightful, inspiring read, and I think that really is due to not rushing it. All the life lessons, all the wonderful self-love and story changing and growth comes through in the pages, and that wouldn’t be possible if the book was rushed, if it had a different timeline that felt forced.
In our conversation, we talk about cultivating that hope that comes with a promise without the pressure of rushing it. One of the most stifling parts of building a creative life is feeling the pressure to achieve everything right away, and Clare really taught me that it’s not about taking grand leaps or strides in the direction you want to head in, but actually aiming low. And with patience, with trust, with one step in front of the other, it all begins to make sense.
So, I hope this podcast teaches you to start by reaching for something right in front of you, rather than a grand plan. And, even if that means pressing pause on your creative dreams for a decade or two, I think that’s okay. See what is in front of you to explore – be it in a new year, a new week, or a new day.
Clare Bowditch: creative powerhouse
““Embedded in all of my routines, my whole life has been a restlessness. I need to do very different things. The anchors of my life are my partner and my family.””
Shownotes
01:33
Making promises to ourselves – Whether it’s forming a new habit, making a new resolution, or telling ourselves we’re going to give something up, we often make promises to ourselves. We then often struggle to keep these promises because we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to achieve them.
02:10
This weeks’ guest – Clare Bowditch is a musician, radio presenter, entrepreneur, and, most recently, author of the best-selling book Your Own Kind of Girl. During our conversation, we discuss her book writing process, how to get out of a rut, making routines, the measures we put on ourselves, and how these can sometimes accidentally do more harm than good. And, probably most importantly, we discuss taking our time.
05:29
Daily routine – Clare discusses what her daily routine tends to look like, and how it’s flexible and ever-changing depending on her surroundings and environment. She talks about the importance of her partner and her family, and how everything else just flows into place when and where it’s needed.
10:54
Finding purpose – In her early years, Clare struggled with family illness and with an undiagnosed eating disorder, and later on with a terrible breakup. Throughout these difficult times, she struggled to find her own routine, her own purpose, and her own happiness.
16:07
Talking back to fear – Two authors, in particular, helped Clare get through this difficult time in her life when she was having panic attacks and trying to find herself. Dr Claire Weekes’ concept of FAFL (face, accept, float, and let time pass) helped her to face and accept what she was feeling, and Jack Kornfield’s book helped her to identify and overcome her negative feelings.
21:19
Stepping away – The fig tree metaphor in Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar helped Clare to realise what things in her life are the most important, which are not. This gives her the ability to keep a hold of the important things and to let go and step away from the rest.
24:36
Creating lists – Both Madeline and Clare discuss the importance of lists in their lives. In her book, Clare has a list called ‘My Amazing Life’ and she discusses which goals she has ticked off, which ones she is still working towards, and how she feels when she looks at it now, years after writing it.
27:15
Book writing process – Writing Your Own Kind of Girl wasn’t an easy process to start, and Clare was originally full of self-doubt, which resulted in her stalling for years. Once she finally got going, it was even more difficult than she expected. She struggled to live by the same message that she was writing about. But she persisted and succeeded.
30:28
Books versus songs – Being both a songwriter and a book writer, Clare talks about the differences between the two. Writing a book makes you much more vulnerable than writing a song and, once a book is finished, you can’t change your message. The most important thing to have while doing any type of writing, however, is a supportive group of people around you.
32:59
Juggling responsibilities – Clare balances her family, her work, her relationships, and running a household on a daily basis. She finds that everything just fits into place when and where it can, and she enjoys the chaos of it all.
37:25
Fig tree metaphor – Madeleine reads the fig tree metaphor excerpt from Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar and reiterates the importance prioritising while setting goals.
Findings
Your Own Kind of Girl by Clare Bowditch
Self-Help for Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes
A Path with Heart by Jack Kornfield
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Islands by Peggy Frew
““We forget we have any choice in the stories we tell ourselves about our own lives, and we do.” ”